A Blog about Nothing

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAs those who follow me know, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to blog every month. Staring at a blank page, I remember why I stopped blogging. I couldn’t think of anything to blog about. But not to worry. There is always the internet.

I googled Blog Topics and landed on Fizzle, which offers 81 ideas for “starting a blog that matters.” Perfecto.

The list has rather curious suggestions.

My favorite is “Recipes for couples without children.” As someone who has been part of a couple with and without children, I should be able to bring perspective to this subject. Here’s my suggestion. Forget the recipes. If you don’t have children, eat out. Whenever you can. Want to stay in? Bring home a doggie bag for night two. Feeling blah? Break out the Froot Loops. There’s no one at your house to scandalize or whine about dinner. Feeling amorous? Open a bottle cabernet, crush a few cloves of garlic and saute some shrimp or scallops. Break out the baguette and fancy European butter.

A recipe will just cramp your style, and that’s what children are for.

Then there’s this suggestion: Blog about Ghosthunting

I haven’t had much experience with ghost hunting since like most people, I’d prefer to avoid ghosts. Ghosts are not supposed to be hanging around. They are supposed to go to their final destination, wherever that is.

In the Long Island Medium, Theresa talks to spirits, which I lump in with ghosts, since you can’t see either and both are theoretically dead. It appears they follow their loved ones around, which seems sort of cool if you’re alive. But if you’re dead, you may not be thrilled if you are tasked with following someone around all day. Especially someone like me since I mostly sit at a desk or sleep.

But if I was to offer advice on this topic, I might suggest that you spin around fast and see if you can catch your great grandmother yawning.

Number 45 suggests devoting a blog to writing an e-book best seller. If only there was a recipe for that.

In the same vein, there is “How to become a famous rock star.” It seems to me that the only people who can speak to this with any authority are famous rock stars. But how many famous rock stars have blogs? And how many are searching the internet for an interesting topic for their blog? I’ll bet none.

One more: “How to get what you want without breaking the law or burning bridges.” I am not a lawyer, but I feel that there is a vast gulf between breaking the law and burning bridges (assuming they don’t mean burning bridges literally). Wedged into that wide gulf is a prison cell and five years to life, depending on what it is you want.

Next Month

My next blog and newsletter will provide, among other things, a look at the shrine I am setting up to the old-fashioned typewriter. Hopefully you’ll find this more interesting than my family.

In the meantime, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I will raffle off one of Erica O’Rourke’s wonderful YA books, “Dissonance.” If you are interested, please email me at manningillinois@gmail.com

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