It has become my special tradition to google Valentine’s Day just to see what sort of craziness is being recommended to all the romantics gearing up for the great day. I am never disappointed.
A website called “Webcaster” has “50 Genius Valentine’s Day Ideas from Pinterest.” Idea #1 was “Use hip wrapping …” I frowned when I read it. Why would anyone want to wrap their hips? But that just goes to show you how unhip I am. They meant hip as in cool, not those fat things sticking out just below my waist. In case you’re curious, hip wrapping appears to involve paper bags secured with clothes pins and paper clips. Of course, you could also wrap your hips with paper bags and clothes pins. Nothing says love like hip wrapping with hip wrapping.
Another genius idea: Make fortune cookies out of fruit roll-ups, preferably red ones. Do men like this sort of thing? How about this one: Bake muffins for your man and add a little message (in hip paper, please) that says: “So glad you are my stud muffin.” Can anything good come from this? I think not.
Between #10 (shake pink Himalayan salt on popcorn) and #11 (buy a blackboard mug and write a cute note on it) is this: “More: The 20 Most Naked Celebrity Instagram Photos of All Time.” I did look, and I will simply say this: Sit on celebrities’ sofas at your own risk.
Between #22 (write cheesy fruit-based puns on fruit) and #23 (write a bunch of things to do together on popsicle sticks) is this inappropriate aside: “More: 10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is a Jerk.” That killed the mood for me.
Then I brightened when I got to #31. Toss X and O veggies in your dinner salad. Nothing says love like an X-shaped cucumber slice, although I’m not sure how many men would notice. Last but not least: Use a deck of cards to create a cool memory book. I know, what does a deck of cards have to do with Valentine’s Day. I don’t know. But there was a picture of a bound deck of cards open to the ace of clubs. Pasted in the center of the cards was this lovely memory: “You smell good.”
If that doesn’t lead to romance, your boyfriend must be a jerk.