I was researching squash recipes the other day instead of writing when I fell into a rabbit hole. Not literally, but a headline “The 12 Most Ridiculous Things Gwyneth Paltrow Has Ever Said” got me going down an internet path that took way too long to extricate myself from.

Until this week, I didn’t know that poor Gwyneth has been object of sarcasm for saying silly things, but I had to look. Some of the quotes were sort of ridiculous, and one made me laugh out loud (when I was supposed to be writing). I will share the funny one at the end of this blog, and you will understand this week’s photo and probably laugh out loud yourself.

But the article made me wonder: What’s the beef with Gwyneth? She’s a good actress, and I admire her for putting her career second to raise her children (came up in my research). It makes her seem noble, quite frankly. But as more blogs and articles turned up also ridiculing her, I got to thinking . . . and a few hours later reached the bottom of this ground swell of resentment.

It turns out that Gwyneth has been attempting to give lifestyle tips to us regular folks. Gwyneth, if you are reading this, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What am I good at?” The lovely face looking back should say “I am good at acting and being rich and glamorous. Period.” Leave lifestyle advising to people who don’t have pizza ovens in their “gardens.” Those of us who do our own housekeeping and purchase beauty products at Walgreens are never going to appreciate your tips.

All of this got me thinking about Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld who seems to be turning up with lifestyle advice of late, and once went to a dinner party that included Gwyneth (came up in my research).

Mrs. Seinfeld, if you are reading this: Ignore the word “acting” and the advice I offered Gwyneth would basically apply to you, too. There is a photo in a recent issue of InStyle of Mrs. Seinfeld with Jerry and their kids. The caption, which I suspect was written by Juan Valdez includes this stunning line: An Elektra Deliziosa coffee maker on the far counter is a crowd-pleaser:  “People come over just to have coffee with us—that’s how we have friends,” says Jessica, laughing.

Ha, ha.

Just for the record, you will probably not find an Elekra Deliziosa coffee maker at Target since they seem to range in price from $3,000 to $8,000 (more useless research!!!). I guess the rest of us will have to make friends the old-fashioned way … whatever that is.

Okay. The laugh-out-loud quote. Some crazy-like-a-fox person asked Gwyneth what she would choose for her last meal if she were on death row. Of course, a more ludicrious scenario is impossible to imagine as is her response: Oysters and cocktail sauce, and then a baked, stuffed lobster and french fries. I would have a baguette and a cheese course for my dessert, and red wine. 

You can see how lifestyle advice could go awry.