Mari Manning Notebook

I recently came across a blog, Chemistry.com, which is not about chemistry. It’s about finding your perfect match. Yeah, that kind of chemistry.

I was attracted by an article on where to find the most romantic men in the U.S.  I’ll give you three guesses on the top city (and the first two guesses don’t count). That’s right, Milwaukee. Just kidding. It’s San Francisco. This left me wondering on what basis San Francisco got top billing. Was it the Golden Gate Bridge, the avant garde population, Tony Bennett’s heart? Hint: This is from Chemistry.com.

According to the website, the “biological makeup” of guys in San Francisco is more “estrogen expressive” and estrogen expressive men “are the most creative when it comes to planning romantic activities.” Seriously.

I know what you’re thinking, but the article is quick to point out that even some football players are “estrogen expressive.” So the next time you become irritated at your own man, just remember that the most passionate men are driven by “biological makeup.”  I think I already knew this.

A few months later, this same site published a study on cities with the most “sensitive men.” These are guys who exhibit personality traits linked to serotonin levels in the brain. I think most men would be happier with this than being estrogen expressive. Anyway, “sensitive” men are very loyal and upstanding types. Top city: Pomano Beach, FL, followed by Roanoke, VA and West Hollywood, CA. Based on numbers one and three, I wonder if the serotonin levels can be traced back to other activities.

Whatever. The best part of this particular article is the comment by Bythebeachbaby who doesn’t believe a word of it. She says: “I have lived in 5 of your 10 cities in the past 30 years and I want to know WHERE you get your data? From the married men who are especially sensitive to their MISTRESSES? From the gay men who want to be your buddy???? Or even better from the men in half of these towns that are “sensitive” because they can’t break away from their moms? You have it so wrong….Especially the top 3. One of the locations has NO single straight men except 18 to 25 year old college students…..This is probably the most bogus list I have ever read online. Someone needs to CHECK their facts by actually visiting these places for a period of a week…that would be all it would take. TRUST ME!”

I was sort of thinking the same thing myself.

I recently came across a website called Answerbag where people can post any question in the world — no matter how bizarre — and someone will answer it. A lady posted this age-old question, “Who do ladies think are the most romantic men on earth?” (Never gets old, does it?)

Frenchmen, of course, got the nod. But a few other answers were surprises. A lady who refused to identify herself replied, “I think that the most romantic men on earth are the ones who act like men and yet do not lord themselves over women nor do they act like sniveling suck-ups to them. Also, I am a sucker for a Scottish accent.” I wonder how a sniveling suck-up with a Scottish accent would fare.

Then there’s this question from Anonymous: “Ladies, do you think men on crutches are sexy?” Huh? A lady named Lollypop provides the eternal-maternal answer: I don’t class men on crutches sexy, neither would I if they were on a bike. It depends on who you are that makes you sexually attractive or not.”

Thank you, Miss Lollypop for the vague answer. How about giving this poor three-legged guy an answer he can grab onto: “Well, Anonymous, it’s funny you should ask. Yes, I think guys on crutches are mucho sexy. In fact all my boyfriends are on crutches. By the way, where do you live? Do you happen to have a handicap parking sticker for your car?”

See? That wasn’t so hard.

One more. A man named Baxter asks: “What do ladies love about a bank robber?” (I couldn’t make this up if I tried.) Right out of the box, Cassandra points out the obvious. “Because you’re percieved as a bad boy, and bad boys are, supposedly, a lot of fun . . .” A second response, I suspect from a guy, gets to the heart of the matter: “Because any dumb ass can rob a bank not saying you are. I mean you don’t even need a gun. But that isn’t your question: work that angle if you can!” (Good to know that robbing a bank doesn’t automatically make you a dumb ass.)

Personally, I’d avoid robbing banks to attract the ladies. If you get caught, you’re going to have ten to fifteen years of down time before you can “work that angle.” Might not be worth it. I recommend going with the Scottish accent, and if that doesn’t work, it’s time to dust off your crutches.

It turns out that you can’t grab a beer without getting yourself analyzed. At least this “study” was conducted by a market research company and not a university like the one about sex and music (see my Oct. 28 blog).

I offer no justification for putting this blog under 24/7. Quite frankly, I am in a 0/7 (read cynical) sort of mood these days, which happens every year around the holidays. Hmmm. Maybe someone can do a study on that.

Back to beer . . .

What I especially liked about this study was its ability to accommodate life’s inconsistencies. Let’s take Budweiser drinkers, for example. “Bud drinkers are sensible, grounded and practical” begins the paragraph on these hearty souls. But just in case there are some outliers, our researchers have also discovered  that “. . . people who prefer Bud can also be very spontaneous . . .” Not just spontaneous. Very spontaneous. Probably after a couple of Buds.

For those who immediately jumped to the conclusion that Bud Light drinkers are Bud drinkers on a diet, take it easy on the analytics. Bud Light drinkers “skew quite different from their more-caloric sibling.” The rest of this is a bit of a head-scratcher. The writer of the article can’t stop himself from reminding us that President Obama chose Bud Light for the famed “Beer Summit,” then goes on to say that while Bud Light drinkers “respect authority . . . [they] can also have frat boy personalities.” Is the writer a Democrat or a Republican? I’m not sure, but I’m leaning toward Monarchist here.

What is a “study” without some solid percentages. Here’s one for you: “People who drink Blue Moon are 105% more likely that the average person to drive hybrid cars.” And apparently 100% more likely that the average person to know nothing about statistics. 105%? Really?

Unlike the Bud – Bud Light dichotomy, Corona and Corona Light drinkers “are busy and energetic people.” How do they determine that? ”Corona drinkers do more and see more people in one day than most people see in a week.” What counts in the “do more” category? Taking a shower, getting dressed, making a pot of coffee, taking the kids to school, drinking beer  . . . Unfortunately the article gives us no clues so rather than risk besmirching the reputation of Corona drinkers, don’t embrace this beverage unless you are very, very busy. (If you know what I mean.) Oh, I almost forgot, Corona and Corona Light drinkers are 38% more likely than average to own three or more flat-screen TVs. I am confounded by this news. Who knew?

At least a few of you are thinking to yourselves: What about me? I don’t drink beer at all. Who’s going to analyze me. Never fear. Yes, folks, the study included a category called Abstainers, defined as “those people who refuse to drink beer at all.” You know who you are. But in case you not feeling dismal and insulted yet, the article helpfully points out that Abstainers “honor tradition and authority and prefer a less-hectic lifestyle.” Also known as being an old curmudgeon. Those people are also ”50% more likely to call themselves Republican . . .” I guess the other 50% — the beer-drinking 50% — are, uh, Monarchists.

If you want to read about a sexy marine who likes to drink beer (and owns one flat-screen TV), read my book Holding Out for a Hero. You can buy it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I was surfing the net for romance news when I came across Romance News.Net — a site devoted to romantic fiction for men. Not being aware that men indulged in romantic fiction, I was curious and clicked on the link.

For guys, romantic fiction is a multi-media experience, which does not surprise me. Anime is a large part of the male romantic fiction genre, if Romance News for Men is to be believed . . . and I, for one, believe. Here are a few examples from the fall amime lineup that promise romance:

“ToraDora – Takusu Ryuuji is very kind, but his intimidating face gives
him problems. He meets Aisaka Taiga who is known as the “hand-held Tiger” and  lacks any friends or connection with her own family because of her temper. They  begin a love hate relationship.”

Not so sure about this one personally, but assuming that male romance, like female romance, is defined by a happy ending, hopefully love hate turns to love love, and the guys can achieve that all important sense of satisfaction at two lives intertwined and sailing into the sunset.

One more:

“Kemeko Deluxe – A chibi robot doll appears in the room of a typical
high school boy. The robot claims the boy as her husband and then a beautiful
girl comes out of the doll’s mouth who knows the boy from 10 years prior and had  been promised his hand in marriage.”

Seems a bit more romantic than the first one, and the fantasy of a beautiful, willing girl appearing in the bedroom of a high school boy is certainly a beloved male romance theme.

In addition to anime, the site offers previews of romantic movies. Based on the line up, I have to note that romantic movies, at least from the male P.O.V. come along every generation or so. Here is the line-up:

1. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008) BTW, great title for a romance
2. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
3. Message in a Bottle (1999)
4. Good Will Hunting (1997)
5. Mad Love (1995)
6. Manhattan (1975) I not making this up. Yes, the movie where Woody Allen romances a girl half his age.

My only general comment about this is that it is a good thing that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, because if I tried to go through his head, I’d get lost.

Final thought on Romance News.Net

The site included “Conventions of Romantic Fiction for Men,” which describes the typical story line for this genre. It involves a nerdy guy with multiple women vying for his attention. However, he only has eyes for one of them, usually sweet or cute but “rarely overtly sexual.” There is very little sex, but there is, as Japanese films have it, “fanservice.” This is apparently a moment in the film (or book???) when the nerdy everyman sees his love interest in either her underwear or in nothing, commonly portrayed as “an unfortunate, yet enjoyable, accident.”

I’m going with “unfortunate” for our sweet heroine and “enjoyable” for our nerdy hero.

. . . on best music for making love.

It’s the season of elections, so why should the much-vaunted middle class have all the fun? Lovers have rights too. So let’s see what sort of music you romantic fools out there are listening to.

And the winner is (insert drum roll here) the soundtrack from Dirty Dancing. Something of a puzzler, right? Are the ladies imaging a tryst with hunky Patrick Swayze, noble savage? Is the uber flexible Jennifer Grey a siren for the guys out there? Better questions — how old were the “lovers” who were surveyed? 80?

You might well believe I am right on the age when you hear the runners up: Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing and Bolero. You heard it right, folks. Bolero. From “10″, the 30-year-old movie featuring Bo Derek pracing around in corn-rows and not much else. Has anyone under the age of 50 ever seen this movie?

Apparently so. The survey included 2,000 people aged 18-91. I’d love to see a breakdown of how many people under 50 are putting Bolero on their stereos, er, iPods before jumping into the sack. I’d also be interested in knowing how many 80- and 90-year-olds out there are spinning the soundtrack to Dirty Dancing during their romantic trysts.

The most amazing tidbit in this whole story is the survey itself, conducted as it was by a “musical psychologist” (not kidding) from the University of London. Really? These are people to whom we pay tens of thousands of dollars to educate our children. Instead they go off and do surveys to disccover that ”men are more likely than women to change their music tastes . . . to ensure success in the bedroom.”

Wow! There’s an eye-opener for you. Glad we got that settled. My suggestion for Herr Professor’s next survey: Find out how many people already knew that.

For some genuine romance and a little sex, check out my book, Holding Out for a Hero at http://www.crimsonromance.com/mari-manning/