Happy Anniversary to Crimson Press

As you (hopefully) know, I am a romance author. My publisher, Crimson Romance, has published two of my books so far, Holding Out for a Hero and Angel Without Wings. Crimson Press is a new venture for F&W Media, and on June 4, it will be one-year old. In honor of this occasion, I wanted to do something special, so I came up with three little poems in honor of the occasion.

First up, a haiku. I wrote this one while on my deck. To my neighbors eyes, it looked like I was talking to myself and counting on my fingers. Of course I was trying to achieve the perfect 5-7-5 syllable scheme that makes a haiku a haiku. So here it is:

Passionate love burns
Bright on the Crimson pages
Warming the cold night.

Next up was a rhyming ditty like the ones we used to inscribe in autograph books. An autograph book (in case you are too young to know about them) was a bound book with blank pages that your friends wrote little poems or messages in, such as “When you grow old and cannot see, put on your glasses and think of me.” My mother actually wrote that in my autograph book when I was not looking. Anyway, here’s my happy anniversary ditty for Crimson Romance:

Love stories floating in my head,
Whether awake or in my bed.
Across the page I feverishly scrawl
For Crimson to bring to all.

Finally, in honor of all my Irish relatives, a limerick:

There once was a writer named Mari,
Whose heros were all a bit scary.
Her heroines were not,
Which thickened the plot
But in the end he and she did marry.

I know, I know. You’re groaning. Anyway, Happy Anniversary to Crimson Romance. I wish you many, many more.

Five Things Every Dad Should Teach His Son

What has happened to parenthood?

I am referring to an article I just read, “Five Things Every Dad Should Teach His Son.” If this list is truely the best we can do to raise our sons to be good men, we are in deep trouble.

Number one on the list: Skipping stones. That’s right. When was the last time we asked our candidates for president, mayor, CEO, minister or police officer to prove he (or she) could skip a stone? Never. Because skipping stones is game children play … and most often teach each other. According to the article, there are two basic ingredients to good stone-skipping–the rock and the throw. Well, duh. But seriously. As a child (a girl-child, no less), skipping stones was an amusing past time for the first five minutes for our summer vacation. After that, the excitement tended to wane. Then we went for a swim. Maybe dad should put swimming on his list instead.

Like the first “thing,” the second thing also lacks any future application unless your son grows up to be one of those people saving bird habitates. Yes, the second thing a Dad should teach his son is how to climb a tree. I’m not making this up. And again we get the sort of wisdom children usually figure out for themselves or teach each other: “Novices should select a tree in which they can reach up and grasp a branch while still standing on the ground.” Well, jeepers, who knew? Then there’s this: “Most important: Make sure any and every branch will be able to support your weight.” Let me get my notebook and pen and write that down. Seriously, if my dad had gathered his brood around a tree and proceeded to instruct us in the fine art of tree-climbing, we’d have thought he’d lost his mind. And we would have been right.

Number three is acually practical: “How to Do Laundry.” As with the other four  ”things,” this point comes with instructions that begin with: “Wash whites in hot water …” Or you can take a page from my parent’s playbook and drop your child off at college with a suitcase full of clean clothes and a box of detergent. That works, too.

Number four takes us back to the whimsical and mostly inexplicable: “How to Scale a Fence.” If you need your father to explain this to you … well, I’d rather not say what I’m thinking. At any rate, the writer manages to break fence-climbing down to an intricate dance of hand and feet placements, the proper flexing of shoulder muscles and the perfect leverage as the child leaps to the other side. I’m imaging the writer standing by the fence in a smoking jacket, pipe perched between his teeth as his little one gazes worshipfully up at Dad’s face soaking in the nuances of bolting over a fence.

The fifth and last thing every father should teach his son is how to cook. Or you can take a page from my playbook and drop your child off at college with a George Forman grill. Seriously, you are supposed to tell your son to remember two things: “Salt and pepper are your best friends.” And: “Cook to taste.” This reminds me of a time when I was in my 20s, and a friend decided to cook spaghetti, but she didn’t realize you needed to add water to the pot when you cooked the noodles. Not sure if our writer-dad’s “two things to remember” would have saved that dinner.

While there is certainly nothing wrong with teaching your son to skip a stone, etc., if I were to put together a list of things every dad should teach his son, none of these “thing” would make the top twenty. I think dads should teach their sons to be God-fearing, respectful of other people, honest, conscientous workers, engaged citizens of their nation and the world, good dads, good friends, responsible people and happy. Just saying.

Read about a good man with all the qualities on my list in Angel Without Wings, my lastest contemporary romance.

When You’re All Alone …

I’m a Gemini. For those of you not into astrology, it means I have two distinct sides. The one I write with is my idealistic, romantic side. The other side is a bit more realistic. If you want to see my idealistic side, all you have to do is read my books: “Holding Out for a Hero” and “Angel Without Wings.” They are romantic and fun and a little sweet, a little spicy.

If you are up for a slightly grittier experience, you can read my blogs, which look at the humor and humanity in all the odd information I come across on the internet. For example, I recently discovered a survey on “meeting introverts.” I don’t understand why people are searching out introverts, but since the survey was done by a confessed “introvert,” I sort of wonder if there’s some wishful thinking at work here.

At any rate, it turns out that (surprise!) introverts like to hang out in bookstores and don’t mind being “chatted up.” Just over 79% are fine with this provided “it is done right.” Yeah, me too.

Some of the survey comments are priceless. Try to guess if the person who said this is an introvert or an extrovert (or maybe just cranky):  “I really think that if someone is going to start a conversation, they should put in the effort to keep it going. I cannot stand someone making a comment about the book I’m reading and then expecting me to carry the conversation about it.” So there.

Here’s another one: “I don’t mind being chatted up in a public place if my mother is not with me.” That might not be an extrovert vs. introvert issue. Just saying.

The most realistic comment (not to be tolerated in a good romance) is this one:  “I find being chatted up anywhere very creepy indeed.” I was not convinced that extroverts are never wary of friendly strangers until I read the ultimate extrovert comment from the survey: “Always out annoying introverts, evidently, since I have never met a stranger.”

Maybe introverts aren’t born. Maybe they’re driven to it by annoying extroverts.

My newest book, Angel Without Wings was issued on Monday. Go to crimsonromance.com to pick up a copy.

Technology and Romance

I happened to find myself on a website called TechNews Daily, which concerns itself mostly with gagetry, security/miliary hardware and other electronics along the same line. But even a hard core techie must step back once a year and consider romance . . . and apparently that time of year is Valentine’s Day.

I came across an article written two years ago on February 12 (“gearing” up for the big day) entitled “Do Technology and Romance Mix?” Interesting question, although not one that has bothered me much, probably because technology is mostly absent from my life.

But according to the article, it may not mix well for text-ers. An assistant professor in a Department of Psychology at a place I will mercifully not mention for fear you may have to have an operation at this place someday, feels that texting takes the mystery out of a burgeoning romance. If you are always available, then the other party will assume a high level of interest on your part and act accordingly . . . which is to say, take you for granted. I suspect that this will be lost on most of your nerdie types.

Our professor also says that while Facebook “may widen the dating pool,” it changes the rules of game since instead of getting to know someone through conversation, we make decisions based on how people look on a computer screen. (There is an ad next this for boosting your “natural testosterone” with a picture of a super hunky guy. No electronics in sight.) I’ve got news for our assistant professor: In those ancient times before Facebook and texting, people made decision based on looks. Maybe it was across a room or a bar as opposed to a Facebook profile and picture, but still . . . human nature doesn’t change, it adapts.

Our friends at Chemistry.com also weighed in on this questions. They think that technology and romance mix very nicely. Especially after you’ve had your chemistry analyzed and understand who you are “drawn to.” I am not sure how you determine whether a potential love interest is emitting the appropriate level of seratonin or estrogen to meet your requirements, but perhaps that is one of the questions on the dating form. And let’s face it, if everyone got chemically analyzed prior to dating, it would simplify romance.

“Sex expert” Laura Berman doesn’t approve of technology in romance. “It makes people lazy.” That’s right. We are relying on “impersonal emails” and texting to express ourselves, and that is not romantic. I must point out that not all emails are “impersonal” and if you don’t believe me, ask all those CEOs and generals who’ve been outed due to indiscreet emails. My favorite bit of advice from Ms. Berman is this: “it’s best to use the technology in moderation.”

Huh? Is there an Experts Academy out there where all aspiring experts are taught to use the phrase, “it’s best to use ——- in moderation.” Then you fill in the blank depending on what you want to an expert about. Go ahead. Try it. Take a word, any word, and you can begin your career as an expert. Garlic, hands, flip-flops, snow, capes, email, jets, shovels, water, sugar, beer, technology, pencils, cough syrup, cars, televisions, hedge clippers, cameras . . .

Books: Picks and Pans of 2012

I must tip my hat to my old college roommate — Kathy — who sends a Christmas card each year that includes a list of all the books she’s read during the year, as well as those of her husband and two daughters. I look forward to her card so I can compare my reading year to hers. I will never forget the year we moved and her card never made it to my new house. I was bereft. So here’s to Kathy and a happy 2013 of reading to all.

In order of worst to best:

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford — I am not sure if I was more appalled by the writing, the plot or the fact it’s been on the New York Times Best Seller List for months. This is Bugsy Malone meets World War II, a tear-jerker in which improbably enough, two 12-year-olds fall in love. It is chock full of modern sentimentality which makes much of the actions of the cast (and I mean cast since all of the characters are made of cardboard) seem inauthentic for the 1940s. If it hadn’t been a pick for my book club I would have tossed it after the first chapter.

Fordlandia by Greg Grandin — The topic was interesting . . . Henry Ford’s venture into creating a rubber plantation in Brazil. And I did learn a few interesting facts; i.e., rubber is native to Brazil and hence has many natural enemies so when rubber tree seeds were spirited out of the country and planted in southeast Asia, they thrived without the disease and insects from their native land. This fact was lost on Mr. Ford. The problem with this book? The story only provides enough material for a long magazine article. A lot of redundancy and beside-the-point side trips.

People Who Eat Darkness by Richard Lloyd Parry — Yeah, I know. Great title. I had to read it. Besides, it is the true story of an English girl who is working in a Japanese bar as a “hostess” and suddenly disappears. The first three-quarters of the book was a page-turner about all sorts of twisted people and lifestyles, mostly in Tokyo’s murkier districts. But once we know what happens to the girl, the rest drags. Still, it’s worth picking up if you like true-life crime stories.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstein — Since this was also a book club choice and a best seller, I went in with low expectations. It is hard not to like this books since the writing is quite lovely, and the love story between the main characters sizzles. My biggest complaint is that the plot tends to drift, and there are a lot of unanswered questions at the end of the book, which is a pet peeve of mine.

No Longer a Gentleman by Mary Jo Putney — Since I began writing romance, I no longer read it. I don’t want to subconsciously absorb other writer’s ideas. Also, I need a break from romance after working on my own. But now and then, I just want something delightful to read with lots of drama and a happy ending. This particular book was a recommendation from Oprah, who doesn’t often recommend romances. Fun read with a wounded hero and a fearless heroine. Good for beaches, airports, standing in long lines, etc., or wherever you need a quick escape.

Midnight in Peking by Paul French — This was another nonfiction book set in one of my favorite time periods, the 1930s. The setting is the English quarter of old Peking on the eve of the Japanese invasion. It is a murder mystery surrounding the discovery of the mangled body of a young English woman. The book traces her life and last days, as well as the investigation by the English, Chinese and, subsequently, the Japanese. If you like period pieces and a good mystery, you’ll enjoy this book. A great cast of dissipate, sinister characters.

Gabriel’s Woman by Robin Schone — As I mentioned before, I don’t read much romance anymore, but I met Robin at a meeting of my writer’s group, the Chicago North Chapter of the RWA. She came with Kathryn Falk, who is the founder of RT Book Reviews. Robin gave a very nice talk so I wanted to read one of her books. Gabriel’s Woman was orginally published in the 1980s and is one of the first “erotic” romances. It also has the psychologically scarred hero who is saved by the innocent love of a woman . . . a popular theme for romances of that period. I loved it.

Kingdom of Stangers by Zoe Ferraris — I blogged about this book this past summer so I won’t go into detail here. I will simply say that I am curious about the middle east and day-to-day lives in places like Saudi Arabia. Great insight, plus a killer is on the loose.

Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson — It is not often that I am fooled by a twist in a book that upon reflection makes total sense. This reminded me of the movie “Sixth Sense.” Great story and lots of twists and turns that will keep you turning pages until well past midnight. Read this book.

The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson — My favorite book of the year. In addition to my fascination for all things 1930s, middle east and World War II, I am interested in North Korea. It started last year when I read “The Ginseng Hunter” for book club, which chronicled some of the experiences of North Koreans during the recent famine. Although “The Orphan Master’s Son” is written by an American, it does not lapse into an American POV (look at our supermarkets, free speech!, we can pursue our dreams, etc.). The viewpoint is always North Korean and the characters are more savvy about the world than I would have expected. Still, life in North Korea is harsh and uncertain, and I was cheering on the intrepid, unforgettable hero as he navigated the dangerous political waters of this closed, brutal nation.

That’s it. I wish you a happy and fruitful new year. See you all in 2013.

The Really Truly Most Fascinating People of 2012

I read that Barbara Walter’s was going to let us know who the 10 most fascinating people of 2012 were. I did not see the list, but I suspect that it has the usual line up of over-exposed celebrities and politicians with perhaps an everyman hero and murderous dictator thrown in to prove Ms. Walter’s broad-mindedness and general all-around gravitas.

It made me think that I should a do a list of some truly fascinating people. Because I didn’t know Barbara was going to do this, I didn’t start preparing until this week, so it’s an abbreviated list. In 2013, I am going to keep my eyes out for fascinating people right from the start, but here’s my offering on short notice.

7. All the Turkish guys who are going to France for mustache transplants. A doctor based in Paris says that he performs 50-60 procedures every month. As I live in a land of relatively clean-shaven men if you don’t count the Hollywood affinity for beard stubble this seems odd. But “thick, handsome mustaches” are symbols of “masculinity, virility, wisdom and maturity.” I am having a hard time understanding how wisdom and mustaches go together especially as I consider some of the lunatics who have sported them. And then there’s this: “According to one research paper, mustaches with dropping sides signify a considerative, nationalist bent, left-wingers favor mustaches like Stalin . . .”

6. Guarding the dress. In the spring I happened upon a story about a wedding dress with a 1.85 mile train. It was “unveiled” in Bucharest where its length was demonstrated by a model in a hot air balloon, which was “mostly ignored by unimpressed bystanders.” Me too. The fascinating part for me was the heavily armed police with bullet-proof vest guarding the “three miles of taffeta and 18 feet of lace.” Who would try to steal this? Why?

5. The CIA agent who is having trouble at work. Let me just say that I have always wanted to be a spy . . . until now. It turns out that CIA officers tend to be jerks. Anyway the lady agent “whose persistent pressure to track Al Qaeda couriers helped lead the way to bin Laden’s compound” is having trouble at work. She has been passed over for promotion after alienating her coworkers. Apparently after the raid she was awarded a special honor along with a few coworkers to which she responded that “only she deserved the award, since everyone else tried to get in her way when she knew she was right.” So there.

4. The murderer who tried to frame a cat. If anyone wrote this story as fiction, they would be laughed out of the publishing industry. A man in Granite City, Illinois, was planning to force his victim into a hot tub, then toss in a radio and a cat so it would look like the cat accidentally electrocuted the victim. The problem is obvious. It is nearly impossible to set this up without some help. I mean you have to get the victim into a swimming suit or whatever, then get him to stay in the hot tube while you grab the radio and the cat. The man he recruited wasn’t keen on helping even after our murderer offered to disguise him “using makeup tricks he learned in college.” Of course dead cats tell no tales so the makeup wouldn’t have been critical. Still, it was a thoughtful gesture. Unfortunately the recruit was not impressed and spilled the beans — or should I say kibble —  to his parole officer.

3. The “nearly 2 dozen” kindergartners suspended for “allegedly” exposing themselves. Seriously? As a five-year-old, I didn’t consider clothing to be mandatory but I was not “exposing” myself. This incident is more mystfying that fascinating and goes to show how silly zero-tolerance and grown-ups can be sometimes.

2. Argentina’s lawmakers. Whenever I see the words “sex” and “slaves” in the same headline, I am going to read the story. Call me a thrill-seeker if you must, but I cannot help myself. So I read a story about an Argentinian mother who’s daughter was kidnapped and sold to a brothel and how this mother posed as a pimp to go to houses of ill-repute and look for her. (I predict a Lifetime movie in the near future.) Anyway, the poor girl was never found, which is truly tragic. The fascinating part of this story comes near the end of the article: “Argentina outlawed human trafficking in 2008 . . . ” Does this mean that human trafficking has been legal in Argentina all this time?

1. The man who fell from the sky. As a writer, I occasionally come across a story that inspires me to write, and this was one of them. It happened in London in September when a neighborhood woke up on a Sunday morning to discover an unidentified young man laying crumpled in their street. It turned out that he’d fallen from a jet as it lowered its landing gear on the way into Heathrow. Mercifully, he was already dead when he fell, but tragically he probably died of either oxygen starvation or hypothermia within an hour of taking off from Angola. He was an African man in his 20s, but no one knows who he was or where he came from or why he stowed away on the plane. This is a story that should be told. No human being should die alone and anonymously. This is one reason I like fiction. It gives writers a chance to imagine and create lives and celebrate the spirit of truly fascinating people.

Next week I will not be writing a blog due to the holidays. But the following week I am gearing up to list my favorite reads of 2012, which will (hopefully) come to an even 10. Well, I better get busy reading. Happy Holidays!

Holiday Shopping

At Christmas you are allowed to go crazy and buy all the wierd things you want, then before you can feel stupid, you can wrap them up and give them to your loved ones and friends.

For example, I was looking for a nice hostess gift for a friend of mine, and googled “hostess gifts.” This brought up the Crate & Barrel site. The first item was “Christmas Tree-to-Be,” which is a bag of dirt and a pine tree seed. I really want to buy this to see if it works, but I can’t think of anyone to give it to, and I probably shouldn’t attempt to grow it myself. What with my murderous history with plants and all.

There were a few other head-scratchers on their suggestion list like the “5-piece beer sampler set.” From the description, you might imagine five bottles of beer. But you’d be wrong. Actually it’s five empty glasses numbered 1-5. I don’t get it.

The oddest hostess gifts are the set of four toothbrushes (seriously) and a “silver clothes pin.” I understand what the toothbrushes are for (an especially thoughtful hostess gift if you plan on passing out at the Christmas party and spending the night), but what earthly good is a clothes pin, silver or otherwise. I think I’ll bring my tried and true friend, the wine bottle.

For the man in your life, “Uncommon Goods” has a lot of uncommon stuff on their website. The first gift suggestion “for men” was a Toggle Switch. I was mystified by this item, which is basically a light swtich turned inside out so all the mechanics are showing. My husband would like this, which is why I’m not buying it. I will probably wake up some morning and discover myself in a steampunk nightmare.

Whiskey stones are big this year over at Uncommon Goods, although why anyone would want to put stones in their whiskey is beyond me. Also, since when are stones “uncommon?” A bit less common is the stone whiskey dispenser. Not sure why this is necessary. Maybe I’ll just get him the whiskey and skip the stones.

Brookstone suggest Nose & Ear Trimmers for the man in your life. I’ll bet this makes a stunning gift (not that I plan to find out). Or you can go with the Nap Robe for the “silkiest, most touchable fabric . . . for lounging.” If your man needs this sort of encouragement to “lounge,” by all means pick one up for $69.99, but be prepared to mow the lawn yourself on weekends.

 I landed in the Gadgets and Gear website while searching for a gift for my little grandson. I was attracted by the “mustache pacifier” for $12.95. This pacifer is made of clear plastic except for the mustache painted on the lip. When a child sticks the pacifier in his mouth, he looks like he has a mustache. Endless cheap merriment for the rest of us on Christmas.

Finally, for you guys out there, a few shopping tips. Uncommon Goods suggests “Salts of the World Test Tube Set” or the “spongester” (a stainless steel rack for your lady’s kitchen sponge). Brookstone rolls out ”elastic shoe laces” and the “App-controlled wireless spy tank.” 

Guys, I do NOT recommend any of these items unless you want to be wearing the stone whiskey dispenser on your head on Christmas morning. Something shiny from the local jeweler would be a much safer bet.